“Conan the Barbarian”: Destined to Become the Year’s Worst-Reviewed Action Movie?

Is the new Conan the Barbarian, with Jason Momoa in the title role played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the ’80s, about to be mercilessly slammed by film critics? Will it become the year’s worst-reviewed action movie?

And, if so, will that blunt its opening-weekend performance at the box office?

So far, the forecast calls for pain: A critic for IndieWire describes the movie as “truly, truly awful” while The Hollywood Reporter‘s Kirk Honeycutt writes, “There is no purpose to the film other than random blood splattering amid scenes of bondage, primitive savagery and S&M eroticism. The film is numbing and dumb with its hero indistinguishable from its villains. Conan fights under no moral code nor stands for any principle.” full review

That’s not all. More critical snubs:

“Fight, talk, fight, talk, fight, talk, then an enormous throwdown followed by a denouement that dangles the possibility of a sequel (dear God, no) — that’s the basic structure here. And yet, despite seeming so simplistic, director Marcus Nispel’s film is mind-numbingly convoluted. The fact that it’s been converted to a murky, smudgy, barely-used 3-D doesn’t help matters. At one point, I scrawled in my notes: “Incomprehensible underwater serpent attack.” There you have it.” — Christy Lemire, AP; full review

“(a) tiresome reboot, a dull and desultory affair that’ll leave you feeling as cheated as Arnold Schwarzenegger’s missus” — Neil Smith, Total Film; full review

“The plot is threadbare, as you should already expect, so, really, there is no need to break down what is simply almost two hours of testosterone-filled blood, sweat, fight and gore. Oh, and revenge.” — Geneveive Loh, Today Online; full review.

“Take away much of the myth, most of the sorcery and all of the humor of the 1982 John Milius-Arnold Schwarzenegger version of the sword and sorcery epic “Conan the Barbarian” and you’ve got an idea what the new ‘Conan’ is like. It has a better actor as star — Jason Momoa (“North Shore” “Game of Thrones”). It has better sword play. It even has 3D. But you lose the legend of Conan, you’ve lost the plot.” — Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel; full review.

Variety‘s Peter Debruge, on the other hand, offers something akin to a positive review: “With all earnestness, Nispel embraces the property’s classic roots, placing this new “Conan” squarely within the tradition of sword-and-sorcery pics. Visually, the world hews close to the dark, iconic look established by fantasy painter Frank Frazetta, which will no doubt please devotees, but offers as little room for surprise as the film’s recycled storyline.” full review

The tally, so far: A 44% Tomatometer rating at Rotten Tomatoes, based on 16 reviews; a Metascore of 39 at Metacritic, based on four reviews.

The body count begins on Friday.


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